Crushed By Her Own Weight
by i.paint.the.sky
Summary: Part of the Obscure Characters Series: Love is life’s greatest gift.  It is also life’s greatest trap.  Oneshot.


Note: for any who haven't seen the Fushigi Yuugi OVAs, it was revealed the Chichiri's real name is Hou Jun.

Special thanks to Rosa Aquafire for beta-ing

Crushed by Her Own Weight 

_Part of the Obscure Character Series_

Love is life's greatest gift. It is also life's greatest trap. It can cause you to sail high into the heavens, but can also bring you sinking to the depths of hell. I should know, for I have faced the duel nature of love, and lost everything dear to me as a result.

I have had two constant companions for as long as I can remember, two friends dearer to me than anything else in the entire world. One the easygoing joker who can bring a smile to the most resistant face, the other an enigma with the most caring heart I have ever known. Together we formed the inseparable trio. The trio of Hikou, Hou Jun, and myself. 'Best friends forever,' was what we vowed.

But forever is a very long time, and too many things change for such childhood promises to remain unbroken.

I cared for both of them, but I was always closer to Hikou than to Hou Jun. I don't really know why, except perhaps that my young mind was able to understand Hikou better. He was the more open, the less complex. Thus if I had to choose a 'best friend', it would have been Hikou, though my affection for Hou Jun was smaller by mere fractions.

This attachment to Hikou was well-known, especially as our families had a long history of friendship. And of marriage. Thus, a whispering sprang into being, a belief soon held by most of our village, that one day Hikou and I would wed.

I don't know how Hikou felt about this rumor, but I despised it. I disliked people predicting my destiny, and loathed them pointing out the difference between my relationship with Hikou and mine with Hou Jun. In fact, the gossip may have been what drove me to learn more about my other friend, to discover the secret workings of his soul. Its driving force sailed me away from Hikou, into the arms of my future beloved. As I grew older, it became apparent that it was Hou Jun who I was falling in love with, and he with me. This love rose to its pinnacle the day when we became engaged, at the tender age of eighteen.

It never occurred to be that Hikou would be jealous. I though he dismissed the gossip as I did, rather than take it to heart and believe we were destined for each other. But shortly after I promised myself to my other friend, I found myself facing a shocking revelation, brought by Hikou's hands and lips.

Standing there, trapped in his embrace, all thought fled from my grasping mind. I allowed his kiss to carry me away, surrendering to it and allowing Hikou and I to be together, if only for a moment. It only lasted a few seconds, but in those seconds I glimpsed what life could have been like, had I chosen him. And this glimpse was not entirely unwelcome. In fact, for this one pinpoint in time, I wanted it.

Then reality struck like lightning, the shock flowing through my body. I pulled away from him, but it was too late. The damage was done. I had been unfaithful, betraying the deep bonds of trust that I shared with Hou Jun. Unfaithful. As I ran from Hikou, that horrible word kept steadily crashing against my mind. Unfaithful.

I had spoiled the purest of loves, the love of the kindest, gentlest, most wonderful person I have even known. I was tainted, no longer worthy to even look at him, let alone be his wife.

I wanted to escape to my solitude, to lie in my bed and drown myself with tears. But the same cruel fate that had driven me into Hikou's arms now led me towards the one person I least wished to see.

Hou Jun reached out towards me, concerned over my tears, but I drew away from his touch. He spoke, but his words were lost in the storm of my emotions. Finally he stopped, watching me, knowing I had something to say. I stood there, trembling, not wanting to speak, heartsick at the words I needed to utter. I sank down to the floor, fabric pilling around me, my body echoing the depth of my spirit. Finally, my mouth opened and my voice flowed out, pushing past my tears to tell what needed to be told. I could not stay with Hou Jun…not anymore.

He misunderstood my words, his anger and disbelief turning the confession into more than it was. He thought I was in love with Hikou. No, never. I could never care for him anyway beyond friendship. Hou Jun was my only love, the only one I wanted to be with. And he was also the only one I could never be with again.

Finally the deluge of anger and hurt coming from Hou Jun became more than I could bear. So I fled. I ran away from the man I loved. I would never see him again.

I shut myself up in my room, ignoring the concerned queries by those I past. My eyes were now dry, for I had no more tears to shed. I collapsed on my bed, where I curled up and wished desperately for it to all be a nightmare. But I knew it was real. Very real.

I lay there, oblivious to the outside world, until I suddenly registered raised voices outside, mixing together in a whirlpool of panic. The cries were so numerous that I could not understand what they were saying. I forced my body to rise, to go towards the window, in order to understand what was happening. Then the world turned to water, as the flooding river reached the village, crashing through my house.

Instinct spurred me to fight against the rapids, to pull myself back to the air. But my heavy heart asked why. Why fight to an empty life? There was nothing for me to live for.

And so all struggle left my body, and I allowed the current to pull me down. The water surrounded me, forcing itself into my body while pushing life out.

As the last chains of mortality released me, one final thought was formed.

_Hou__ Jun…forgive me. _


End file.
